As I pack my things about to graduate from college I have found a lot of things left over from camp that have brought memories flooding back. Even yesterday I reconnected with one of my favorite people who I met there many years ago, who is now married to another "once was" counselor, and who both live in Tennessee. Camp is a strangely beautiful place where campers come learn to love god and then after a week go back into the world some to follow after jesus but most do not. It's a place where many kids from broken families cry out because they want something more and they find they are not the only ones. But even more interesting to me is the other side of camp, the counselor aspect. You meet people here that you will never forget, people that stick with you for life. People that will be there for you. I look back and my only regret is that I had not started staying in touch with people during the winter months until a few years ago when I got tired of saving my weekends for a boy that I knew wasn't the one for me. I broke out and meet some of the most amazing people of my life.
Sadly I look back and I also wonder why I hadn't done this before. It's the story of my life. I was always somewhat cold when it came to making deeper friendships with people. I wanted so much to have close friends but I was so afraid that they would expect me to invite them home and then what?....they would see how my life was messed up...they would see the things I went through growing up and they would leave.
A few years ago this friend who now lives in Tennessee found out, not because I wanted her too, but because she drive me home. She learned of the kind of situation I was going through and ever since then I have lived in freedom from the things I felt have weighed me down. I thank god for that day. It was so hard because I wasn't ready to have people know but after that day I have been able to freely admit my troubles and I have also been able to keep important people in my life close.
One of those people people is Tim. I've been dating Tim for 1 year and 2 months today. I have never been happier in a relationship with someone and I think the best part about it is that we were friend for 6 in a half years before we dated. I have always had a soft spot for him and always thought of his as one of my best friends at camp. I kept saying to myself after we started dating, "He only lived about 6 or 7 minutes driving distance from me when we were in high school...why didn't we ever hang out?"
I wish I could go back I wish I could change things. I wish I could
go back and be happier. I wish I could have learned about more of the people who counse
led with me. If I have a story they must have one too. Every once in awhile I stumble upon the facebook page of a person I knew from camp a long time ago. Usually they are married, some live out in some random state or in another country and I ask myself how they ended up there. But of all the things I wish I know I can't go back. I know that I can only get to know the people now in my life. But I've found it hard. Most people aren't willing to let you get to know them. One of the things I have talked about with Tim and others, is people's unwillingness to let you know things about themselves. Sure they'll talk to you in the now but you ask them how their doing and they mostly give one word answers. I want to know what's makes things good, or bad, or so-so, or anything!
This is one of the reasons I can say that I have only made a few really good friends at camp, because just like the campers, the counselors come and go and after that...only god knows.
No comments:
Post a Comment